To Find Myself
by The Awester
Summary: I just wanted to protect Sammy. Then Narnia stole me away, changed my identity, called me a queen, and now I'm apparently married. At sixteen. I now have to lead a rebellion against a man named Myraz and all with the help of a lion, my "husband" and his family, and a man named Caspian. *I DON'T OWN NARNIA, ONLY MY THOUGHTS* *PREQUEL TO FIND LIFE!*
1. Chapter 1

_"_ _They say that there are three types of people in the world, Catalina. There's the sheep who are those who are too weak to defend themselves. Then there's the wolfs, the wolfs prey on the weak sheep. Finally there are the sheep dogs. The sheep dogs are the ones that defend the sheep from the wolfs and make things run smoothly, following the orders of the Shepard. Catalina Pevensie, you must become a sheep dog. The fate of Narnia rests in your decisions."_

 _"_ _No Aslan. I won't. Not without you." I felt my chest tighten._

 _"_ _You must carry on my wayward daughter. I will be back."_

* * *

I bolted up in my bed, tan skin sticky with sweat and my curly brown hair in knots and the thin bed sheet twisted tight around my upper ribcage.

"Cat?" My little brother came in my room.

"Hey squirt, it's late, why are you up?" His blue eyes darkened.

"You were screaming." Tears perked in the ten-year-olds eyes.

"Ah, come here buddy," He sat next to me crying. "I'm alright. It was just a nightmare. Besides, if it was something serious, I would have fought it off."

"With what Cat?"

"My mind, what else would I have? Get some rest. It's late." I kissed his head before letting him fall deep into a peaceful sleep in my bed. I brushed his hair from his eyes and pulled a pillow and blanket to the floor to the ground due to the small bed.

" _You cannot escape me princess!"_ My eyes darted around the room to fall on a dark shadow.

"I can and I will, thanks for telling me."

* * *

"Get up slut!" I blinked twice to see my drunk father above me. His hair line diminished far behind his head and his gut surged far beyond his belt due to hours of excessive drinking.

"Well, good morning to you too sunshine." I swept my bangs out from my face.

 _Slap!_

 _I'm up now!_ I scurried up off the ground.

"Attatude bitch!" I nodded.

"Yes sir."

"Look at me when you talk!" He raised his hand as I flinched back. The slap never came. "You _flinched._ " His voice dropped and seeped into my skin as he pulled me out of the bed in my black leggings and grey tank top with my thick black sports bra showing in the back and down the steps to the kitchen. A carton of eggs next to a skillet that sat on the stove, waiting to be used. My father picked up the pan and smacked me across the cheek with it. I yelped and clutched my face, biting my lip to cease all sound. "You know the rules! Strength above all else!" He turned to the stove top. "You're dismissed, fat ass." I nodded. "I'm going into the city in five minutes. Get Sam ready for today."

"Yes sir, thank you sir." I dashed upstairs, changed, woke up Sammy, and moved down stairs to the playroom that contained a window that was ground level. I paused to hear the garage door shut and my father's Ford drive off.

"Cat, what happened to your face?" I pushed the screen out the window and turned to Sammy.

"Dad. Come on, up you go." I helped him step on the arm of the couch to reach the window.

"Where are we going?" He stood up in the warm spring air.

"Nana's house." I stepped on the couch before hulling myself out of the window and into freedom. I unlocked my white truck and let Sammy in.

"Will mom be there?" I let my hands slide down the steering wheel.

"She's dead, Sammy, there's no coming back." The garage door began to go up. "Time to go. Hold on kiddo." I put the car in reverse and gunned the car as far away s possible.

* * *

It was so, so late, the kind of late where demons come out to mess with me kind of late. The radio blinked 2:57 and my eyes where blinking furiously to stay open when I finally pulled into a two-story home with large red door and tussled Sammy awake.

"What time is it?" He yawned.

"Almost three. Come on inside." I let him get out of the car before locking it and lifting him up on my back. I knocked on the door and waited with my heart in my throat. The door opened with a big woman with graying hairs and big pajamas on.

"Cat? Sam? What are you two doing here? How did you two find me?" Her brown eyes were sad but excited at the same time.

"Dad isn't the friendliest of people and google search works miracles." She narrowed her eyes and stiffened.

"Oh, come in. I'll show you the guest room."

* * *

I stepped out of the shower, dried my hair, and redressed in a fresh pair of PJs, and undergarments. I was given an upstairs room with Sammy just across the hallway. I pulled a brush up to my head to brush my light brown hair. I glanced down at my stomach. _I should run. Burn some calories before going to bed._ My grandmother knocked quietly before cracking the door open and peeping inside.

"Can I come in?" I nodded and sat on my bed.

"I'm sorry I didn't call ahead of time. I meant to, but, I never got around to actually calling you."

"No, no, no, no. Why didn't you come sooner?" My grandmother grabbed the brush from my hand and began to braid my wet hair.

"I was scared. Plus, I wasn't ready to make the trip with Sammy. I just got my license a few weeks ago." She hummed as she handed me the tail of the braid and grabbed a hair tie from the white night stand drawer.

"I'm just glad you two are far away from Johnathan." She tied off my braid.

"Me too. Do you have any cold medicine, I have a killer head ache." I threw my braid over my shoulder and walked over to the window before opening it to its full extent. The cool July night time breeze danced on my stomach. A small balcony jutted out from the side of the house.

"Yes. Give me a second." I turned as the door shut and stood in front of the mirror and lifted up my shirt.

"I'm so flippin' fat." I mumbled before the knob on my door turned. I dropped my top and turned to my grandmother who handed me a glass of water and a tiny white pill. "Thanks." I drowned the glass and wished my grandmother good night before kicking out the screen. I jumped out into the platform of the ceiling that stretched out before stopping over the sidewalk. The stars were unusually bright tonight and quickly shifted in the sky. I sighed and laid down underneath the valiant stars and the just moon before closing my eyes.

* * *

 _"_ _Daughter of Eve! Come quickly!"_

I rolled over and pulled the blanket closer to my body.

" _Child! Wake up and come home! It's too cold!"_ I bolted up outside in the balcony where I fell asleep. A bright light blinded me. I rubbed my eyes and looked out to the yard. A large lion looked at me before looking to the creek over the ledge.

"Oh. My. Gosh." I crept down stairs and opened the front door.

"Cat?" My grandmother stood at the top of the stairs.

"I'll be back." I shut the door and raced outside. The lion waited for me before breaking into a run down to a small creek that ran the edge of the property.

" _Faster my child! Faster! My people need you!"_

"Who are you?" I yelled over the water as he led me down to the shore and along the rocks. The lion looked to me.

 _"_ _I am to help Narnia. Tell him that. Tell_ them _that."_

He ran into a cave.

" _Good luck. I will be with you, always, my spark."_

Grass chunks grew in the rock as voices arose from the other side, trees blocked the entrance.

"Telmarines!" A woman ran into the cave's entrance. I pushed into the shadows and against the wall. The dark air twisted around me before tugging at my pant leg before grasping my leg and yanking me into unconsciousness.

* * *

 _I held onto the boy with dark brown hair, dancing slowly on the beach with the light mist._

 _"_ _It's beautiful tonight." I murmured into his warm shoulder._

 _"_ _It's raining." He kissed my head. Tingles danced in my veins._

 _"_ _So? Rain is beautiful, cleansing. It eradicates the dark beings." The man pulled me closer. His chest was flat, but muscular._

 _"_ _Dark beings?" I hummed._

 _"_ _I sound crazy."_

 _"_ _No." I blushed and glanced up at him, my hair sticking to my forehead from the now pouring rain._

 _"_ _The demons. They're the ones that lead me to my father the night he slept with Her." The rain blurred my vision. "Edmund, I can't see anything! We need to go inside!" He kissed my cheek before dragging me into a small cave. His white shirt was see through. I ran my hands down his chest, enthralled. Edmund pushed me gently against the rock face. "We should get inside Chair so I can change…" I whispered. "We might get a cold."_

 _"_ _I don't care. I know you don't either." He smiled. "You_ like _being wet." I blushed and leaned my head back on the stone wall. His hot breath danced on my neck._

 _"_ _You assume things." He kissed my neck. I moaned softly._

 _"_ _I like to think," More kisses and a few hickys, "That if I keep guessing, I'll end up finding things you didn't even know you liked." I almost melted as he moved my sleeve down from my silver top._

 _"_ _Edmund. I need you to stop." I smoothly moved to the other side of the cave and placed my forehead on the cool surface. "You're such a tease Ed." I felt him wrap his arm around my waist._

 _"_ _Oh, I know."_

* * *

"Miss?" I rolled on my side and groaned.

"Five more minutes Sammy!"

"Miss, you've been asleep for days!" My eyes shot open as I sat up. My cheek throbbing in pain. A woman… _fawn…_ I rubbed my eyes.

"Hey." I mumbled. "Umm, you're a fawn. What's your name?"

"Marry. I am the healer here." I looked around. The cot I was sleeping in was surrounded by stone walls and lit by torches.

"What is this place?"

"Aslan's how." A man with dark hair stood up. Handsome; yet, not my type. "I am Prince Caspian X."

"Cool. I'm Cat." I stood up, still in my tank top and leggings.

"Queen Catalina Pevensie." I reached up and grasped my necklace. A small ruby with three stacked diamonds on top creating a crown for the ruby on a silver chain. Caspian bowed.

"You have the wrong girl. I'm sorry. My name is Cat." He turned his head and narrowed his eyes.

"I'm sorry, but you look just like the Fire Queen, anyways," he turned to the fawn. "Marry will show you the lake to get you cleaned up."

"Thanks I guess." I mumbled.

* * *

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	2. Chapter 2

"Catalina!" Caspian smiled as soon as he saw me. I was braiding my hair to get ready for the day as I walked out of the How for a walk in the woods. The morning air, crisp and clean, sent chills down my spine.

"Cat will do. So, um, where _exactly_ is Narnia?" Caspian knit his eyes.

"Not in the same world as Spare Oom." I tied off my hair and let it hang down my shoulder.

"Spare Oom?" I walked around a tree, the sound of the trees and the dumb birds chattering created a calm environment as we walked in a clearing.

"Sorry. Your world. The same world the other kings and queens came from the golden age." I nodded and glanced up at the big tree, shading the clearing.

 _"_ _They're dancing!" I whispered and grasped the fawn's hand and Edmund's other hand as we danced around the bond fire to the beat of the music._

 _"_ _The trees always dance, princess." Edmund's wine scented breath danced on my ear._

 _"_ _I know, but, not like this. And, by the way, I'm a queen." I twirled under Edmund's arm. As much as I hate him, he's a good dancer._

 _"_ _Without a country." I growled and left the circle and drained a goblet of wine. Edmund took my wine. "I'm sorry."_

 _"_ _Don't be. You're right. It's all gone." I drained the glass of wine- forgetting._

"Catalina?" I huffed, rubbed my forehead and whipped around at the sound of a new male voice.

"I've already told you to please quit calling me that for Pete's," I froze. _Edmund. Edmund Pevensie._ "Sake." My vision tightened and my breathing came in short gasps. "Holy shit... I must be seeing things again." I mumbled as I rubbed my temple.

"I don't get it," Edmund ran a hand in his hair, ruffling it slightly and moved to be a yard away from me. "You are dead."

"And you're not supposed to be real."


	3. Chapter 3

"You are dead."

"And you're not supposed to be real."

I narrowed my eyes and crossed my arms, puffing out my chest slightly to create a taller vibe. He was much taller than me than he appeared to be in my dreams.

"What does that mean?" He mocked me, crossing his arms as well. _Lean, muscular. Must be an athlete. A bit on the gangly side to be a warrior but the sword on his hip looks natural._ Narnians had gathered to watch the spectacle.

"It means that you should just be a figment of my dreams and not real. The four of you should not be real." I glanced at Peter, the blonde one, who was eyeing Caspian. Edmund knit his eyes together and rubbed his cheek.

"I suggest we go back to the How, it's going to get dark soon." Caspian and Peter both sheathed their swords and walked off towards the How. I shivered and swiped my bangs over to the right side of my face.

"Are you alright?" Edmund fell in step with me in the very back of the pack.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be? These people from my dreams just come out of nowhere." I eyed him cautiously, covering my midsection.

"They're visions. Not dreams. What are they of?"

"Well, they're more like nightmares, but they've been of your wife." I shivered from the cold air, my breath almost becoming visible. "She and I both have scars in the same spots." Edmund quit moving.

"Where?" I turned to him.

"Does it matter?" My bangs slipped in my eye.

"Yes." Edmund glanced at my bangs and turned on his heel. "One on your thigh and a bunch on your back."

"How do you-"

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like cracked ice." His face paled dramatically. "Is that bad?"

"Depends." My teeth chattered together. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." I crossed my arms over my chest. He glanced at me and shrugged.

"I know. You always are." He jogged to catch up to his siblings. The woods began to thin out into the How's meadow and as I, last in the line of people and creatures, glanced back into the woods. Dark shadows danced in my wake, calling me, yelling at me, tempting me.

* * *

"What is this place?" The tall blonde high king carried a torch in the front of the group next to Caspian glancing at the pictures of them in their past reign.

"You don't know?"

"Cat, come here." Edmund stared at a picture. A young, curvy woman with leather armor laid on a battle field with a bloody wound open. She wasn't in the rest of the photos. Edmund watched me and let his hand dangle next to mine.

 _The sickening noise of a knife being pulled out of a body._

 _My victim's last breath._

Something slammed inside my head as if electrical chords were trying to connect to start something. I winced as Edmund took my hand.

"Cat?" Edmund rested his hands on my waist.

"I can't. They're yelling at me." Dark shadows flew in the air until wrapping around my legs and Edmund's legs.

"Keep your eyes open." I squeezed his shoulder harder, nails biting into his skin and muscle.

"I'm cold."

"That's because of the branding, Lina." My eyes followed the dark as it stretched out to Peter and Caspian's legs.

 _"It's your fault he's dead Princess."_

. The hair on my arms stood up and burned as it strained to stay up.

"Stay away from them!" I shouted and lunged towards the two kings before Edmund grabbed my waist and yanked me into his chest. I shivered.

"Cat, breath."

"I _am_ breathing, dip shit." I shut my eyes and let the voices decrescendo to a pianissimo.

"Good." He pressed his lips to my head. "Let's go inside, see what the others are up to." I nodded and stayed close behind him, never letting his arm go.

"Aren't you cold?" I shook, hot blood turning to ice. I grabbed my necklace.

"No. I'll explain soon." I sighed and turned the corner into the light room. A ring of fire warmed me and a portrait of Aslan was strategically placed behind a cracked table.

 _I wore a beautiful black dress with my hair in a French braid as I glided up to Her, her staff newly sharpened and ready for Aslan's blood._

The Pevensies and Caspian stopped what they were talking about to look at me as I touched the edge of the table and carefully stood up onto it.

 _I grasped my dress and turned to face Her followers and Aslan._

" _Catalina." Her icy voice chilled me._

"Queen. I am Queen Catalina of the Lone Islands, daughter of Queen Ester and King Cororte. You shall address me as such."

 _"Hold her down." Demons grasped my arms._

 _"Miss me your majesty?" A male's voice burned in my ear._

 _"You bloody traitor!" I pulled against the demons._

 _"Oh, shut up whore." He cut the back of my dress away from me also cutting my back. I hissed in pain._

 _"I trusted you!"_

 _"So? Mi amor, you should know that we from Calormen are_ _quite_ _extensive when it comes to our beautiful women." He sucked on my neck as wolf cries rose up from the croud. His nails ripped my thin dress as I squirmed under him. I pulled my wrist away from the demon and punched Gabriel's face._

 _"Bastard! I hope you go to Hell!" The demon grasped my wrist and pulled me back. Gabriel's face flushed before he back handed me. Blood seeped into my mouth from my split lip._

 _"After Jadis wins, I'm dragging you home with me where I will make you mine."_

Tears spilt on my cheeks. As I looked down I noticed bright red blood stained on the table.

 _"Enough talk." She was a fair distance back from me when Gabriel moved._

 _"Hasta pronto, mi Punta." He ran his thumb over my lip to capture some of my blood before consuming it. Bile turned in my gut. She whipped the air twice._

 _"This is where your punishment begins!" Jadis whipped me once. My back arched as I let out a strangled yelp. "For helping a traitor!" The deep cut pulled blood to drain from my back and sides. The hot sizzling of metal being paced on my skin, demons on both sides of my body held me back into the metal._

 _"Let her be!" Aslan's eyes grew soft. "She is still mine!" The witch glared at me._

 _"Until you are dead!" She held my face. "When he dies, I will haunt you until you die I will always be in the back of your pitiful little mind." She slapped me hard into the stone table. My vision blurred. "Good riddance, darling of the blade."_

I let my eyes roll into the back of my head and felt my body crumple on the stone table.


End file.
